What started as a potentially awesome weekend day quickly turned into crapola, as I had a call regarding a snafu that happened more than a week ago. A snafu that I thought I was done being upset about. I kept my wits and my cool well enough … except that I let something slip that I had meant to keep to myself.

In the context of explaining how careful I am — how thoroughly I check things, how seriously I take it when something goes wrong under my watch — I told the other party about my OCD. And immediately wished I could hit “rewind.”

See, the thing about the situation is that I’m doing work for someone who doesn’t spent any time with me — that’s the way it is with online business. It’s one thing to tell someone who knows me and has observed me over a period of time. I know how very normal I am, and I still hold dear to my heart the person who said, “But you’re the most mentally well-adjusted person I’ve ever met.” But in this situation, all I can think is that I’ve painted myself into a corner because now I have this label. “OCD” doesn’t tell how hard I’ve worked to learn to keep an even keel and trust the universe.

But besides that, there’s still the issue of the initial snafu behind the call in the first place. It’s bugging me because I’m not the only one getting chewed out about it — and I have no idea what’s happened since we hung up. I’ve had this horrible heart-in-my-throat feeling for, oh, about 9 hours. Basically, I’m trying to keep busy and keep breathing. I had lunch and dinner even though I’ve felt on the verge of throwing up all day.

The weird thing is: What’s the worst that can happen? That I’m released from my duties? I have plenty of work to do, and life goes on. I’m not worried about that. So I’m playing “Name That Anxiety.” Maybe you can help me figure out this panicky feeling.

P.S. Our digital camera is AWOL, which is why the lack of knitting pictures. My hands have been busy, trust me. OCD, ya know. *irony*